No One Can Love You Like… You!

This week I originally intended to write about the word fluffy” and why I feel so empowered by it and blah, blah, blah…. But… grabs tissue box emotionally, I’ve been on a downward spiral. I think writing this post will be the best remedy for my troubles.

I am a sucker for romance. I LOVE love.

I spend a lot of time scrolling through my Facebook and Instagram timeline idolizing pictures of my peers’ “Oh So Happy!!!” love life, while screaming #RelationshipGoals in my head as I hit every like button. Finding THE ONE has always been a big deal to me… It lands right up there with a good plate of food and finding the right shapewear (the keys to life). Unfortunately, I have not been successful in the romance department. My love life, thus far, makes eHarmony and Tinder look pretty appealing. My love life makes arranged marriages look like a not so bad idea. My love life…. is a HOT ASS MESS!


And as much as I love Ben and Jerry, I’m a little tired of them and I want the right HIM.

Now fluffs, the reason I’m writing this is because I don’t want you to be that girl. Who you may ask? The girl that I’ve been for the past year. The “fall asleep on a wet pillowcase, #ForeverAlone, Sade singing, back pedals to the EX while pushing away the next, being referred to as ‘cold hearted’ on all your first dates” girl. I wasn’t lying when I said I still have issues. heavy sigh But I know where I took the wrong turn. I want to redirect you before you find yourself lost like me. Ain’t no Google Maps for this one. And if you’re already that girl, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Let’s find our way back to LOVE together. Team work makes the dream work!

I’ve realized that my poor choices in men have stemmed from me not loving myself (…along with Daddy issues, but that’s another topic). I don’t want to place the blame on the #BBWStruggle, but my lack of confidence and self-esteem growing up came from my size. I was not the girl being asked to the school dance or the girl that the athletes were drooling over. To be honest, I never thought that I would ever find someone interested in me. I always felt like I was too big to be loved and that carried on into my adulthood. That thought process resulted in me falling in “love” with anyone that would show me ANY type of attention because I never thought I would find a man who would want to “love” me. Whenever I hopped into a relationship I would bend over backwards to please my partner because they “loved” all 200 & something lbs of me and I always feared that I would never meet anyone else who would put up with ALL OF THIS. I dealt with the canceled Valentine’s Day dinners, the messages from other women, and the horrible sex because that is what I thought I deserved. I had to go through my worst heartbreak to realize that I am worth so much more.

I fantasize about this perfect relationship with this perfect guy (chocolate brotha, foodie, 6’4, bearded, musician & teacher), but I can’t expect to experience ALL OF THAT if I can not even have a healthy relationship with myself. Fluffs, it is necessary that we love ourselves! Know that every inch of you is deserving of a love so deep that you need to wear a life jacket. Kisses that taste like spiced rum and a touch that’s as hot as the sun… Please don’t make me pull out my poetry book. We set the standards for the love we receive. The love that we have for ourselves will be reciprocated by the right person times 1,000,000. Never settle. Never deal with bullshit because you feel like you will have no other option. We should be so happy and in love with ourselves, that making a decision between being single and staying in a horrible relationship is a NO BRAINER. You will never find “love” until you love you. The love that we seek we need to continuously pour into ourselves. We try to find “love” in other people, totally forgetting that the LOVE we want is right here. points to self And it’s never going anywhere… even when your partner walks away that LOVE will still be intact. WE GOTSTA DO BETTA, LADIES!!!

Well I’ll speak for myself… I GOTSTA DO BETTA!!



P.S. There is nothing wrong with online dating and arranged marriages…



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25 thoughts on “No One Can Love You Like… You!

  1. This is perfectly wonderful and so are you! This is exactly what I needed to hear as loving others, particularly my big messy family of six kids and three grandkids spread out over thirty two years has always and oftentimes still does get put at the top of my agenda. You have truly struck a deep down chord inside me because I have been one of those serial monogamists with a couple episodes of just playing the field. And I did find me some short relationships on eHarmony and some relationships which were wonderful at first, but then somehow the same old generational patterns came up yet again, seeping through the drudgery of the huge load we were carrying but even in the end (and there were fights, oh yes, more than two or three) we still had love for each other.

    I have played the Fool card many times too, stepping off that precipice into the void, Coyote medicine a huge part of my hand of cards. And like Joni Mitchell says, I really don’t know love at all, not all the ins and outs of romantic relationships anyway. Eros fascinates me too, and right now I am pining for my sweetheart, who was obliged to move away to help care for his sick dad. We plan to settle down next year, we just both have some duties to finish with. Me with my youngest son and youngest grandchild, who will both be graduating next year, one from high school and one from kindergarten.

    Agape and Philos I am quite familiar with, and I do adore smearing love all over the sky like the starry starry night because I love loving, and being loved in return feels great too.

    So many blessings to you. Reaching out and touching people’s hearts and souls with your written words is such a gift. It is so wonderful to meet you. Now I have to remember how to rest.

  2. I totally agree with what you wrote and with what others have commented before me. How can we expect our partner to fully love us if we don’t love ourseslves? And how can we love them, if we don’t start from that foundation of self love? It’s so very important. Thanks for giving it the attention it needs with your post.

  3. I am very happy to read these words from a woman … yes, the most important person who you can love is yourself … you can continuously generate love and never run out of it… you can be with yourself but never feel alone or desperate, because you have a person who is always present and loves you… all your other loves depend on this one, your love with you as origin and as destination… you are changing your life, this is power… wise words yours … congratulations and thank you. One more thing… boys love attitude… much more than looks (because it is a more powerful energy)… do not be surprised if they start to chase you… this is just a sign that you’re on the right track… use it as an incentive… be patient and persistent. Love…

  4. I totally agree about having to love yourself first. It has taken me 35 years to do this. That is why I started up blogging again to help me find me and become the person I have always wanted to be but do to so many issues have not. It’s hard to be open and honest with yourself and here you are being not only open and honest with yourself but the internet full of strangers. You are being an inspiration to many by your open words. Keep it up. You are amazing and you’ll find what it is you are looking for.

  5. I loved this post! Is exactly what I was thinking about today, we get the love we think we deserve! Thank you!

  6. “love so deep that you need to wear a life jacket. Kisses that taste like spiced rum and a touch that’s as hot as the sun… ” <— Gave me goosebumps. Thanks for the reminder!

  7. Such beautiful words could only come from a beautiful soul! Loving ourselves is a lot like dieting. We all know what the right foods to eat are. We all know we have to burn more than we take in, but knowing is soo…much easier than maintaining. Which by the way makes you part of the majority not the minority! 😉 Sometimes it’s just easier to grab the fast food, or the fast guy fix. Then we beat ourselves up for not doing what we know was better for us. A vicious self degrading cycle. Everything you’ve done up to this point is not about whether you’ve done the wrong thing, or the right thing. It’s about spiritual growth. After reading just this one post I know that you are growing in the most important way a person can grow. Try adjusting your perception, and I promise you everything else will follow. G-uno

  8. Just wanted to say that I heartily endorse this message. If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to do so?
    And food for thought:
    Bodies all fall apart, in the end. Age is the great equalizer. The only people who remain beautiful in their old age are the ones whose inner beauty shines through. Cultivate the garden of your soul, and believe me, they will come to the farmer’s market to sample your fruits and veggies. One of those samplers will like what they’ve tasted, and stick around to help you grow even more.
    That’s a non-GMO, organic, good for you fact.

  9. It is hard to feel alone. Loving yourself is a hard one to learn, I think I probably need to work on that. I rely to much on outside influences to feel better about myself. Good job taking not and good luck. I will be rooting for you

  10. P.S. I love how we always mean to write about one thing and land up writing about something else. today i meant to write about handcuffs and it turned into a story on kindness. great story, but pah to arranged marriages.

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